I was visiting my sister Judy in California when I suspected I had a relapse. Relapse, no, that’s AA. Recurrence I think they call it or more to the point, the cancer is back. I was eating more than usual on vacation because that’s what we do, my sister and me. We’d stick out our abdomens and bump them together laughing at our bulging bellies. But when I was alone, I would examine my abdomen like a nurse or a doctor. Yep it was unusually distended.
When I got home, I scheduled a PET scan. Sure enough it was back. I had only 11 months of remission. My hair was finally growing back. I’m finally feeling like exercising. I can walk to the mailbox without being out of breathe. Was I angry? You darn right. I had done what I was supposed to do and took the immunosuppressant that I hated. I ate the right foods, always have. I went to the doctors’ appointments and dutifully smiled through all the examinations, blood tests and scans.
The PET scan showed 2 small spots in my peritoneal area, the lining over my abdomen.
Nowadays patients can log into their medical portal and read the results. This makes it a lonely conversation. You were saying, doctor? Am I dying? What are the next steps? There is no doctor there to answer or comfort or reassure you. So what I did after reading my results was have a good cry and then google ovarian cancer recurrence. Now I know why the doctors say “don’t google your disease”.
I told my daughter and son about the recurrence the next day. My daughter sprang into action writing down appointments, getting healthy food. My son started worrying and asking questions. It’s funny how each individual has different reactions. So once again, I’m taking the journey with my children and cancer again.